I believe it to be true that the only ice cream flavor of relevance is Vanilla Bean. Most others are varying degrees of pretentious spectacle. I will allow that Strawberry and Chocolate are also sincere flavors, by which I mean natural in thought, almost unimaginative. How does one make Tiramisu ice cream? The process seems unintuitive, esoteric even. Cinnamon Bun? Coffee and Cookies? RED VELVET CAKE? Can such flavors even be deconstructed without immediately slipping into impossible to pronounce chemical ingredients? Probs not.
Lets do a little SAT comparison. Vanilla Bean is to ice cream is what black pants are to a wardrobe. A classic staple that never goes out of style, unto which any accessory can be put. Chocolate sauce is equal to a white shirt and tie. Rainbow sprinkles is equal to power clashing. Fresh fruit toppings? Dinner jacket.
I also hold to be true that more than two toppings on a pizza is too much. Too many ingredients prevents dough from becoming crust. I concede that simply staying in the oven technically converts dough to crust. However, soft dough is the fanny pack of pizza crust. Two toppings is the limit. This prevents an explosion of indistinguishable flavors. The best combo is two forms of pork. Salami is less predictable and therefore my favorite. Pepperoni is pedestrian, but can get you home. I suggest going with a sweet meat if the first is spicy. For that whole yin and yang thing.
Lastly. Light roasted coffee. Its nasty and ironically, I find that it tastes burnt. I know that coffee snobs think dark roasted is sooooo junior varsity, unsophisticated, low brow. Well, call me a groundling, because people falling, fart jokes, and DARK ROASTED coffee gets me every time. A hot cup of dark coffee is my favorite thing about every morning. Waves of sultry steam sauntering away from a dark nectar, carrying with it the scent of toffee, the after-a-message type of lucidity, and dozens of warm kisses every time you bring the cup to your mouth.
These are strong and controversial opinions. I understand this. Many are Blue state vs Red state type arguments. But its time somebody took a stand.
Who will stand with me?
For today’s prompt, tell us three things that you believe in your heart to be true. Tell us three things you believe in your heart to be false.