Category Archives: Allen Smith’s 7-a

Allen Smith’s 7-a

This play was written for Tax Deducible Theatre’s The Dare Project. Which is a series of ten minute plays written on a dare. The dare can be anything, a single word or phrase, genre, color, or complete nonsense. The Dare Project was a chance for the audience to commission a play.  I wrote five plays for txd. This is play number two.

The Dare: A love story that takes place on the last day of earth.

The scene takes place in Central Park about ten minutes before the world is destroyed by a ‘Red state sized asteroid.’

 Allen, a man in his early thirties and Sarah, a woman in her mid-twenties are dressing themselves as the lights come up. There is a video camera set up down stage recording the couple.

Allen

(Pulls out an old piece of paper)

Check and Check with a double underline and three stars. Thanks for helping me complete my list Sarah. It means a lot to me.

Sarah

I’m glad to help. But you checked twice. What else did you complete?

 (Allen hands the list to Sarah then scratches behind ear)

Sarah

Videotape making love to a beautiful woman, ‘Check, double underline and three stars’. Thanks Allen. Graduate from high school by 16, check. Go to Harvard and MIT, check and check. (glances over list) The lovemaking was one check but everything else seems like it was checked off a long time ago.

Allen

Look between numbers seven and eight. (Allen scratches behind his right ear)

Sarah

(After reading 7A Sarah looks up at Allen with a smile)

7A; fall in love, check. When did you write this list?

Allen

When I was nine.

Sarah

You wanted to video tape making love to a beautiful woman since you were nine Allen?

Allen

No. Actually, I wrote that one last night. After we found the camera…and the third time we made love.

Sarah

Nine is still  pretty young to know you want to fall in love. I thought boys had cooties until I was twelve.

Allen

I didn’t really know what love was other than knowing that I loved my parents, She-Ra and ketchup sandwiches. But my dad was always telling my mom how much he loved her and I wanted to be just like my dad. So I added 7A. (scratches behind ear)

 Sarah

It looks like you have scratched out a couple of checks next to it.

Allen

Twice I thought I was in love. Twice I realized I wasn’t. There is a weird grey area between ‘I really like you’ and ‘I love you’ where saying ‘I really like you’ isn’t enough and saying ‘I love you’ is too much. Both times I said ‘I love you’ because I didn’t know what else to call what I was feeling.

Sarah

This list is amazing Allen. All the goals you’ve set and accomplished. I don’t think you should waste a check on me.

Allen

It’s not a waste Sarah.

Sarah

Allen, I think your emotions feel bigger than they really are because of the whole end of the world thing.

Allen

Maybe. But even if we are in the ‘grey area’ we’ll be gone long before we know it. So I’m calling it love. In fact lets get married. We have a great how we first met story. I met the woman of my dreams while looting Macy’s the day before the earth blew up. The fur section? All the minks we ruined.

Sarah

And the sables.

Allen

And the chinchillas. (scratches behind ear. Allen gets the shakes like a chill running down his spine)

Sarah

Mmm…the chinchillas. That was the best. I didn’t know I could bend that way.

Allen

Our how we met story is great. We know the how we ended story will be biblical. We don’t have the time to screw anything up. So lets do it! Sarah…what’s your last name?

Sarah

Davies.

Allen

Sarah Davies will you be my wife to have and to hold? For richer or poorer? For as long as the earth does exist?

Sarah

What the hell! I do! Do you promise to be completely devoted to me for the rest of your life Allen…

Allen

Smith.

Sarah

And be my 7A Allen Smith?

Allen

I do! (They cement their promise to each other with a kiss) Oww! This zit is getting worse.  (the shakes get worse as well, progressing to something like bad break-dancing over the next few lines)

Sarah

Let me have a look. I worked in the cosmetics department at Macy’s for six months. (Sarah examines the zit) This is the biggest zit I have ever seen. Just relax and take deep breathes. Breathe in through the nose and exhale through the mouth. And again through the nose and out through the mouth (she has thumb nails at the ready) On three, one; in through the nose, two, out through…(Sarah attacks the zit with her thumb nails)

Allen

OOWWWW! Damn you woman! You said on three.

Sarah

I’m so sorry. I thought it would help if I surprised you.

Allen

Man. That hurt.

Sarah

I don’t think it’s a zit anyway. It’s huge and hard as a rock.

Allen

Thanks for tryouchy, ouchy, ouchy! (Allen screws up his face as the zit flares up, he tries to shakes it off) Sorry. I think I actually heard a beeping sound in my head that time. Anyway, where should we honeymoooWWW! Son-of-a-bitch.

Sgt. Tanner

(Offstage) I heard something; I’m going to try again Genesis. (The Sgt. comes onstage. He is holding a device that has been the cause of Allen’s pain)

Allen

OOOWWWW! OOOWWW! OOOOOWWWWWW!

(Allen is in full on break-dance mode at this point)

Sgt. Tanner

I found the Doctor Genesis. (Activates the location beacon causing Allen to scream once more)

Allen

What the hell!? Has it been you making my head hurt this whole time?

Sgt. Tanner

Yes doctor. The pain you have felt is the location beacon inserted behind your right ear being activated. All VIP’s were outfitted with the beacons some time ago. I’ve been looking for you since you missed your shuttle yesterday.

Allen

How is it possible that I didn’t know about being “outfitted”?

Sgt. Tanner

Secrecy was necessary doctor, due to Bubba Gate. Madame President had the beacons fitted with a kill switch so that if any one chosen for the Genesis Rescue became undesirable they could be eliminated.

Sarah

You’re a VIP?

Sgt. Tanner

He’s the VIP. Doctor Allen Ezekiel Smith, lead architect of the Genesis Rescue Program, and designing engineer of the Genesis Rescue Shuttle. There’s one more shuttle left to launch doctor and there’s one more seat for you.

Allen

That’s great. Sarah we’re getting out of here!

Sgt. Tanner

I’m sorry doctor but there is only room for one.

Allen

You can’t expect me to leave her behind. She’s my…my wife. She’s my wife, you can’t ask a man to leave his wife behind.

Sgt. Tanner

Wife? I wasn’t aware…(into walkie-talkie) Genesis, the doctor is here with his wife. (garbled response from walkie-talkie) Affirmative Genesis, his wife. He’s not going to leave without her. (Garbled response) Great, just fucking great! We were not aware that you were married doctor and there is room for only one on the last shuttle.

Allen

Make room for my wife. Dump fuel if you have to, but make room.

Sgt. Tanner

38% of the fuel has already been dumped to allow for additional passengers. The shuttle will have just enough boost to make it into orbit. I’m sorry doctor.

Allen

What additional passengers?

Sgt. Tanner

Twelve MPC’s.

Sarah

Breeders?

Sgt. Tanner

Yes. They signed the Multiple Partner Contract. They will help protect against DNA degradation.

Allen

What about your seat?

Sgt. Tanner

I won’t be going doctor. The MPC applies to woman and men of import. But my three sisters were boarded under the MPC. The woman in my family have always had large hips.

Allen

Would you excuse us please?

Sgt. Tanner

Of course (exits)

Allen

I’m not going without you Sarah.

Sarah

Don’t Allen. I’ve known for a long time that I would have to stay behind. You just found out a few hours ago. You have to go.

Allen

There is no way I’m leaving you Sarah…you’re my seven…

Sarah

Just stop. Don’t try to be my hero Allen. A big rock is going to slam into earth and destroy everything. You have a chance to live. Take it.

Allen

Sarah…

Sarah

Just GO! I normally wouldn’t have given you the time of day, but I thought you were literally the last man on earth. Just go, please.

Sgt. Tanner (rushing onstage)

I’m sorry doctor but we have to go now.  (Allen makes up his mind and follows the sergeant offstage)

Sarah takes a seat and begins to sob. Soon after, the sound of the shuttle is heard taking off. A few beats later Allen enters holding a boom-box (or iPod with speakers) over his head playing ‘In Your Eyes’ a la ‘Say anything’.

Sarah

Allen you shouldn’t…

Allen

Shhh. If I had boarded that shuttle I would have spent the rest of my life in the ‘Grey Area’. Here I can spend the rest of my life in love. You’re my 7A Sarah.

Sarah

Husband. I need you to take off your pants so I can screw you ‘till we die.

Allen

Yes dear.

Sarah

And we can skip foreplay.

Allen

God I love being married.

 They kiss as the lights slowly come up to full washing out the stage in bright white light. ‘In Your Eyes’ plays over the main system then cut to black.

The End (of the world)

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